Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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