I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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