The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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