You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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