You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
