im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
