my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
