My sheets look like a crime scene.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
