gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
