you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
