I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
