There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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