I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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