grandma shit on top of the toilet
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
