i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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