I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
