It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
