They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
