apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
