I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
