I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
