I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My balls are so social today.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
