White coat. Heels.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
