Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
