I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
