I looked at my own cervix.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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