I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
