it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
