When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
