thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
