Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
