my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
