where am i from again
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
