I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
