he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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