Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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