you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
