dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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