I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
