she was so not down for the gang bang
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
