I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
