let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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