is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish you could order shots online.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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