I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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