So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
