You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
