Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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