What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I could have mohawked her pubes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my being single is dangerous.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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