hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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