I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
