i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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