I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
