You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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