Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
