She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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